Well today started out hard enough with it being Mother's Day and me missing my mom like no words can describe. And then it got worse when my dad called and told me Alex had fallen and we think she may have had a stroke. She would only look to the left, lost her ability to walk for periods of time, seemingly lost her hearing completely and also her sight....overall, the spark just disappeared from her. My vet referred me to a lady that does house calls and she came out and put Alex to sleep right in my dad's living room where she was most comfortable and not afraid. I held her the entire time.....I'm a walking disaster and so is my dad. The silence in his house is deafening. She was such a great doggy for 15.5 years.....run free sweet Alex, you were my first doggy....and the best doggy any girl could have asked for growing up. Go be with Mom and Kellie again....I'm sure they've missed you and are ever so glad to see you again. Bye Alex....I miss you and love you so much....

My final moments with my baby girl.....I miss you Alex....run free at the bridge....I'm sure Mom and Kellie were there to meet you.

The fog lifts....

Ever have one of those days that you suddenly see things a bit more clear?....for no real reason. There are a lot of days that I feel like I'm living in a fog......I know everything is there, but it's hard to make out the details clearly. And for some reason, today, the fog has lifted. I see things with such clarity....down to the smallest detail. I wish words could describe it....but they seem to fail me. The love I have for this life is beyond words. It brings me to tears and knocks me to me knees. I am so blessed. The love of my life actually loves me as much I love him. I never in a million years would have thought I'd find him in this huge world.....and yet somehow, there he sits, on our couch.....just wanting to spend his life with me. Just little ol' me. What would I do without him?....that is a question I prefer not to even think about. I've loved and I've lost.......too much........but I'm beyond a level of grateful that the world will ever understand.....I'm grateful that I experienced the love from the world's most perfect mother and sister.....even though I lost them. In fact, I try to see it as that I didn't actually lose them........they are just waiting for me in a better place......and I WILL SEE THEM AGAIN SOMEDAY.....and that alone keeps me going.....keeps me putting one foot in front of the other every single day. This world is so full of pure beauty that sometimes it just overwhelms me. The simple falling of the snow, and then the change of the seasons........it all works just like God planned.....in His perfection. Watching my puppy's and kitty's grow from babies into adults......it's heartbreaking, because once again, I know that I will love and lose.......but again, it's all part of His plan. And it just means a greater welcoming committee when I see them all again someday. I have been blessed with a father that no one will ever understand.....a relationship between a father and daughter that is only for him and I to know. A bond that nothing and no one will ever break apart. A bond so strong that only we know how to truly deeply appreciate every waking minute we have together. A bond that is sometimes unspoken......a love so deep that words wouldn't do it justice. As I explore my emotions through tears, I smile. I know how good my life is. I know. Even though there are days that I don't appreciate the beauty in my world......it's always in me, sometimes just buried beneath the surface......and I thank God for days where the fog is lifted......