Well today started out hard enough with it being Mother's Day and me missing my mom like no words can describe. And then it got worse when my dad called and told me Alex had fallen and we think she may have had a stroke. She would only look to the left, lost her ability to walk for periods of time, seemingly lost her hearing completely and also her sight....overall, the spark just disappeared from her. My vet referred me to a lady that does house calls and she came out and put Alex to sleep right in my dad's living room where she was most comfortable and not afraid. I held her the entire time.....I'm a walking disaster and so is my dad. The silence in his house is deafening. She was such a great doggy for 15.5 years.....run free sweet Alex, you were my first doggy....and the best doggy any girl could have asked for growing up. Go be with Mom and Kellie again....I'm sure they've missed you and are ever so glad to see you again. Bye Alex....I miss you and love you so much....

My final moments with my baby girl.....I miss you Alex....run free at the bridge....I'm sure Mom and Kellie were there to meet you.

The fog lifts....

Ever have one of those days that you suddenly see things a bit more clear?....for no real reason. There are a lot of days that I feel like I'm living in a fog......I know everything is there, but it's hard to make out the details clearly. And for some reason, today, the fog has lifted. I see things with such clarity....down to the smallest detail. I wish words could describe it....but they seem to fail me. The love I have for this life is beyond words. It brings me to tears and knocks me to me knees. I am so blessed. The love of my life actually loves me as much I love him. I never in a million years would have thought I'd find him in this huge world.....and yet somehow, there he sits, on our couch.....just wanting to spend his life with me. Just little ol' me. What would I do without him?....that is a question I prefer not to even think about. I've loved and I've lost.......too much........but I'm beyond a level of grateful that the world will ever understand.....I'm grateful that I experienced the love from the world's most perfect mother and sister.....even though I lost them. In fact, I try to see it as that I didn't actually lose them........they are just waiting for me in a better place......and I WILL SEE THEM AGAIN SOMEDAY.....and that alone keeps me going.....keeps me putting one foot in front of the other every single day. This world is so full of pure beauty that sometimes it just overwhelms me. The simple falling of the snow, and then the change of the seasons........it all works just like God planned.....in His perfection. Watching my puppy's and kitty's grow from babies into adults......it's heartbreaking, because once again, I know that I will love and lose.......but again, it's all part of His plan. And it just means a greater welcoming committee when I see them all again someday. I have been blessed with a father that no one will ever understand.....a relationship between a father and daughter that is only for him and I to know. A bond that nothing and no one will ever break apart. A bond so strong that only we know how to truly deeply appreciate every waking minute we have together. A bond that is sometimes unspoken......a love so deep that words wouldn't do it justice. As I explore my emotions through tears, I smile. I know how good my life is. I know. Even though there are days that I don't appreciate the beauty in my world......it's always in me, sometimes just buried beneath the surface......and I thank God for days where the fog is lifted......

Fun but emotional evening

Well it's the first time I've ever helped decorate for Christmas at my mom's house without her. I picked up Larenz and Shakiya and we helped my dad decorate the house. Him and I both had quite a few emotional breakdowns and just stood there staring at the tangled Christmas tree lights crying. I'm glad we chose to decorate though becuase I know it would make my mom happy. She loved decorating the house for Christmas....she always made it so beautiful. I think we did a pretty good job but no where near how nice it looked when she did it. I try to pay attention to the little "signs" that I think are her way of letting us know she's still with us. We have the same bag of ornaments for the tree that we've had since I was a child. Well as my dad handed the kids ornaments to put on the tree, he pulls out a small angel that neither of us have ever seen before. Just a simple little angel and printed on the angel's skirt it says, "Cindy"....my Mom's name. I burst into tears. We have no idea where this ornament came from......neither of us have ever seen it before. That just can't be a coincidence......had to be my mom's way of letting us know she was with us tonight. I hung it at the very top right next to an ornament that my aunt made in rememberance of my sister Kellie. It will be my mom and sister's first Christmas together in 3 years......and for that I'm thankful. Christmas will be very different this year, but I hope we can create new memories to help get us through these emotionally draining times. I miss you mom........I miss you Kellie.......Merry Christmas.

And a Merry Christmas from Kaybie, Bruno, and Atreyu.

Long time, no posts

Well I'm going to try to get back in the swing of things again with posting more regularly. Summer has come and gone, and now there's several inches of that yucky white stuff on the ground. I HATE winter. Chris and I have plans to move to California before next winter so I'm hoping this will be the last winter I see for a while (besides coming back to visit)! So what's been going on since last time I posted. Well, my job that I was at for 4 years is no longer.....the company is doing terrible and did another massive layoff and I got cut in this last round. So now the job search is on. I'm sure something will work out and I'm applying everywhere. I've even started applying out in California and will work out the details if something out there works out. Otherwise, not much is new. All the doggies and kitties and Chris and I are doing great.....oh!....just realized that I haven't introduced our newest addition! I was driving home during the summer and running full speed through a very busy intersection, runs this beautiful little doggie.....by the Grace of God, he didn't get hit, but he was headed full speed towards one of the busiest streets in town......there was no way he would have made it if he got on that street......so I drove up next to him and eventually got him to come to me.......he was scared but very friendly. After having no success finding his owners, we took him to our vet and he was a mess......he was flea infested, worm infested, fly bites on his ears, and was a good 10 pounds underweight. Well we got his medical stuff all cleared up and in the mean time, we fell in love. He got along great with Kaybie and Atreyu, so we decided to welcome him into our home. Introducing our pitbull mix, Bruno.......he's around a year old.








We had a very good Thanksgiving and went to Chris's Grandparent's house to celebrate together. I got to meet his sister for the first time and that went better than I could have hoped for.....I really like her. It was just a really good time hanging out with family. It was different this year being the first Thanksgiving without my mom......but I was glad to keep my mind occupied so I didn't sit around crying all day. I sure did miss helping her get the food ready to take to Thanksgiving. I used to help her do the mashed and sweet potatoes while she was upstairs stressed out trying to finish her makeup while we were all running late. Those little memories sure do just set you over the edge. I am Thankful that Kellie won't be spending any more holidays without my mom as it use to make me feel very guilty that we were celebrating holidays together while she was alone in Heaven.....so the fact that they are back together gives me some peace. Anyways, what else has happened. Last weekend, Chris made me one heck of a proud girlfriend.....he graduated college. I don't think he'll really ever understand just how proud of him I truly am. It was an honor to walk in his shadow that day. If you're reading this, I'm utterly proud of you baby. Now it's on to bigger and better things for the both of us!
Christmas is coming up in a matter of weeks and I'm no where near ready for it. My mind is torn becuase I'm excited to wake up Christmas morning with Chris for the first time in our own home and start our own Christmas traditions, but I'm so sad to spend my first Christmas without my mom. She loved Christmas. She loved watching us open gifts and going shopping together. She spoiled me rotten and still bought me gifts like I was 5 years old. It's not the gifts I will miss this year, it's just her.....I can't type this without crying my eyes out. I wonder if any holidays will ever feel like they are supposed to ever again? Chris and I are going to put our tree and decorations up tomorrow and I'm hoping that will help to get me more in the holiday spirit. I'm going to go help my dad put up his tree this weekend........it was always something him and my mom did together and I know we are just going to stand there in the living room and bawl like big babies together.....but together, we will get through this.....somehow.

Been a little bit since my last post....

Well work has gotten very busy since I got transferred into a new department so I haven't had as much free time to post....

Anyways, let's play catch up here.

A couple weekends ago, I surprised Chris......well, I tried to surprise him, but he says I'm no good at surprises and he had already figured it out LOL.......oh well......I tried. He had never been horseback riding before and had mentioned wanting to try it out. So we hopped in the car and drove about an hour to a ranch up north. We had a very good time. Chris is a natural with animals and wasn't at all nervous around these huge horses. He cracked me up when they let us run on the horses on the trails and he pretended to be a cowboy......I think I'll always have that image in my head LOL. Here's some pictures from our horseback riding adventure:







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August 5th would have been my sister, Kellie's, 30th birthday.....wow.....I still can't believe she's gone. I would have been teasing her for getting old and hitting the big 3-0. I cried through most of that day. I feel robbed. I should have been making plans to go out and celebrate with her.......instead I miss her more and feel so alone without her. Happy Birthday Kellie......I hope you had a wonderful day....and I get a little bit of comfort knowing you got to spend your birthday with Mom again. She used to cry on your birthday every year......now she's hugging you. I miss you both so much. The tears just never seem to end......

This is a picture of Kellie and I on her last birthday........can't believe this was 3 years ago....



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Let's see.......what else is new........our "puppy" Atreyu just turned one year old on August 8th. I can't believe how time flies. I feel like it was just yesterday that my mom and I went to pick him up from the breeder and he rode home snuggled into her neck the whole 2 hour ride back. He was sooo tiny.....not so much anymore!







And this is him now, on his birthday:

He got a new Tough Dog Collar to match his big sister Kaybie's





And I took him to Petsmart to pick out his own new toy for his birthday present. He got a Kong Wubba and he LOVES it!



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Well I think that's a long enough post for now and I have to get back to work....lunch is over.

Our day at the beach

Chris and I packed the dogs in the car on Sunday and drove to the beach. We intended on going to the doggy beach but couldn't find parking anywhere near the place so we just parked and walked the dogs on the boardwalk for a while. Then we found a small beachy area so we let them run around there and chase us for a while. They had sooo much fun! We all did. It was a nice Sunday to just spend the day together with no computers/phones/etc. Just us and our babies.

Just a plain old Tuesday

It's just a plain old "why did I get out of bed" Tuesday. I overslept so that never starts the day out very good! I woke up and saw the clock and yelled "SHIT!!!" as I saw that I was at least a half hour late already! I woke Chris up when I yelled too....ooops.....sorry honey....go back to sleep. ;) Well let's see, we had a pretty good weekend. Friday we didn't do too much. Saturday,we went out for dinner and then went to the comedy club downtown in the evening and had a good time just getting out for some laughs. Then went home and stayed up chatting and playing on the computer in bed until around 4am. I woke up and the TV was still on but Chris was knocked out so apparently he crashed out sometime shortly after I did! Then Sunday I went to a Meet & Greet for the Boxer Rescue that I volunteer for and I took Atreyu with me. He was sooo well behaved and made me a very proud mommy. :) Afterwards, I headed home and watched Chris chase Larenz around the yard while they were soaking each other with the hose and throwing glasses of water on each other LMAO. They were both drenched by the time it was over LOL.....should have gotten it on video. Then after my dad and Larenz left, Chris and I made dinner and he was about to get ready for work but I told him I didn't want him to go......so he called in a favor and we started a movie. :) Always a happy night when my honey is home!

So I think I should introduce Chris and I's "kids" now since I've talked about them without any pictures.

This is our little family: Kaybie (boxer 2.5 years old) is the one with a black face; Atreyu (boxer 11 months old) is the one with the white stripe on his face and on his legs/neck; Gina is the calico kitty (4 years old) on the bottom right; and Onyx is the black kitty (2 years old) on the bottom left.



The babies all pretend to love me, but in all honesty, Daddy is their favorite person on the planet

Kaybie being a Daddy's girl




And Daddy's boy




And Gina with her daddy


Onyx hates the whole world so we'll probably never have a picture of her with her daddy LOL

So that's our loving little family. Hope you enjoy!